This Is The Situation

The REAL Situation (Feat. MTV Jersey Shore's The Situation, Snooki, and Pauly D) - watch more funny videos

Pac Man Versus Mario

Fucking Her While She Sleeps

You are sometimes visited by these uncontrollable urges to fuck your girlfriend while she sleeps. Just to mount her as she lay there twisted in blankets, snoring away, completely oblivious to the harsh thrusting you are about to enact inside of her.

I don't have a girlfriend so this is not a current practice of mine as the women I would have the opportunity to do this to would cancel the potential second or third date. After all, first impressions are everything and you don't want to fuck a sleeping girl on the first date.

But this has been done by me and I will do it again in the future. That's not what I'm here to talk about though. Not completely.

I find that at the end of my long, not even close to illustrious college career I am fucking something while it sleeps. And though it may take the female form once in a while, it is not inherently woman all the time.

I am fucking life while it sleeps.

It's a casual thing and I don't expect it to last very long but I am doing it pretty regularly.

I don't have a job that pays actual money. No actual career desires. No substantial wants or needs (except a girlfriend to fuck in her sleep). No dog. Nothing.

I'm just fucking life as it sleeps.

It's just sitting there and I'm thinking to myself: You could just go for it. Just do it you big pansy. Give er' the ol' 1-2. She's fucking sleeping, she won't notice a damn thing.

I am part of a lost generation or The Lost Generation and I may be the only one contained within this demographic. I just don't care about anything. Money, fame, success, childrenz. I don't want to join the workforce or start a family or give money to a charity or save the world. I just want to fuck life as it sleeps and hope it doesn't wake up before I'm done.

I want to escape to Mexico and disappear. I want to fake my death and see how many people notice. I want to run around my house with my pants off for days, screaming "hear me, hear me, I am the fucking anti-christ, now kneel before Zod!"

I don't want people to tell me what to do. To get coffee for some schlub. Or enter data into anything, especially a computer. I don't want to sit for more than a second in a grey cubicle. I don't want to live in front of a screen or under some harsh fluorescent light.

I want to go up to dudes with chips on their shoulders and fight them in Mortal Kombat. I want to go up to women on the street and tell them how much I love them and how much I'll miss them when they turn the corner.

I want to fuck Life while she sleeps and hope she doesn't wake up before I am done.

Zombie Food Chain

(Thanks Sam)

What Is Feminism?

Let me preface this by saying that I'm on Team Edward. (Thanks Mom)

Just what the fuck is this feminism thing all these girls in my classes are talking about? Is it like Kung Fu, some archaic martial art used for chopping people in the dick? Or is it like a political party or something? Like, if you is a feminist you vote yes to pant-suits? Or is feminism some radical form of Zen-meditation? If you close your eyes and do a bunch of yoga poses, do you achieve a mystical state of being, where babies fucking grow on trees and the oatmeal gets made by it's fucking self?!

Now listen to me:

Up until this point I have held my tongue--THE SILVER TONGUE OF DOOM YOU MIGHT SAY--because I was afraid of reprisals. I am usually one of two guys in all my classes and the other dude is always a butt pirate if you catch my drift. But I can remain silent no longer.

YOU CRAZY FEMINIST TERRORISTS! CHILL OUT!!!

Just what the fuck are you girls talking about (and some of you guys)? Why are you so mad at me? At men? I'm not fucking oppressing you! I'm not forcing you to use sex as a weapon! I'm not doing shit! I like women. I LOVE women.

I think there's something going on here and I don't like it one bit. If you want to get ahead, I suggest you stop looking to Stephanie Meyer for help. And who is gonna make these little childrenz? I don't have the answers.

BUT NEITHER DOES JACOB THE WEREWOLF!

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Also also also:

MTV Shows

This shit is sickening. Even worse, most girls I've had relations with are into this filth.

I've Seen Things You People Wouldn't Believe

It has occurred to me--recently--that I am living some sort of semi-charmed kind of life here in The City. Living in New York on my parent's dime, eating fine meals on my parent's dime, drinking various alcoholz on my parent's dime, etc.

And in my travels around Manhatten Isle, I have seen some shit. I have seen some shit.

Like last week when my friends and I went out to this club and saw two girls go at it like raving lunatics. They started making out casually but then went on to full tit grabbing. Had there been a suitable horizontal surface there would have been a fuck sesh for sure. It was a thing like a Holy Vision, except there wasn't anything holy about it. It was fucked up.

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Thanksgiving is just round the corner and I can't seem to stop the time from slipping from my fingers. It's already close to the Frozen Months. But I won't head to southern climes. No, New York's my bitch and you got to treat your bitch good.

Otherwise, she'll leave you for a guy named Tony or Sergei.

Lil' Wayne Documentary

The trailer for the upcoming Weezy doc: